I Am Bowled Over...Or Rather, Over-Bowled...

Perhaps they should have it but they don’t. I was going to propose it but probably won’t. The interest in such a thing might be great but likely not. Sound like going around in circles? It is because I am fed up and here is why.

Last year about this time I wrote a column about bowl games. The column explained why I was bowled over with these endless competitions. It was centered on bowl games at the college level.


This current column has to do with the professional level of bowl games such as the Pro Bowl and the Super Bowl. However let’s back up a little bit. There were AFC and NFC championship games to determine which two teams would meet in the Super Bowl. Then the Pro Bowl stayed in the mix for whatever reason. You see, the Pro Bowl was made up of champion-level players who happened not to be on one of the Super Bowl teams. The Super Bowl team players who were named to play in the Pro Bowl did not want to risk injury playing in the Pro Bowl so they just stood on the sidelines and watched the next to the best players vie for the same whatever.


My proposal is that there should be a Pooper Bowl. Why not? With all the other bowl games played each year, surely a Pooper Bowl could find a place.


You may ask, “What is a Pooper Bowl?” A Pooper Bowl would be a football game between the two worst teams in the NFL and here is how it would work.


The AFC would have a loser playoff game between the two worst teams in their division. The loser of that game would advance to the Pooper Bowl. Of course the NFC would do the same thing. This way, you could be sure that the Pooper Bowl was played between the two worst professional football teams in the country. The referees could be chosen from those men who blew the most calls during the regular season.


Think about it. This would be an opportunity for losers to excel in losing. You see, the team that lost the Pooper Bowl actually would get the trophy for their excellence in losing. The winners would go home empty-handed.


And the players would compete for that coveted MUP Award. MUP stands for “Most Unvalued Player.” How would you like to be voted the MUP on the worst team in the NFL?


And the half-time show? That would be a riot. The entertainment would be made up of those who failed their auditions for American Idol. You would not need a sound system and most likely not even a stage. After all, no one is going to pay attention to a bunch of losers.


The cheerleaders would consist of those ladies who were voted out first in The Biggest Loser debacle. I can’t wait to see them in their skimpy outfits. Especially when they do a pyramid.


One of their cheers could be,


“Two, four, six, eight,
Who do we appreciate?
All for the losers
Stand up and bellyache.”


Then everyone could stand up and boo and bellyache to their hearts’ content. The players would love it knowing they had the crowd behind them.


What really irks me about all of this sporting frenzy is that those behind the scenes continually are grabbing for money. That is not all bad. It’s just that they pretend to be interested in sports while actually milking the public of all the dollars they can. Our nation is just freaked out on sports.


So why not have a Pooper Bowl? It might make money. And now you know why I am fed up.


Winston Hamby
WinHamby@gmail.com