I Am Myth-tified; Are You...?

Do you remember as a kid your world of “make believe?” It was great fun to pretend. Fact is that we adults still love to pretend. We tend to reach for the unreachable. Does this have anything to do with why our literature includes collections of fairy tales and/or myths?

The dictionary defines “myth” as, “…a traditional story of ostensibly historical events that serves to unfold part of the world view of a people or explain a practice, belief, or natural phenomenon...” Sounds impressive doesn’t it? But wait, there’s more. I understand the following somewhat better: “…or an unfounded or false notion.”

Myths are neat in that they can and do change over the years. One generation might take a myth and enhance it somewhat thus improving the story. Or it could go the other way. One may omit a portion of the story making it shorter or more palatable.

Someday I want to write about such things as Big Foot, UFOs, Hoop Snakes, the Loch Ness Monster, Crop Circles, the Saratoga Lights, the Jefferson Theater Ghost(s) and such like. Most of these are myths but not all. For example, I have had personal experiences with the Saratoga Lights and ghosts of the Jefferson. So I cannot define these two as “myths.”

There is an interesting myth, assuming it is a myth, of the “Drop Bear” that has its roots in Australia. I was researching “hoop snake” when I stumbled across this “Drop Bear” thing. Here is my paraphrase from information gleaned from uncyclopedia.wikia.com.

A drop bear is a member of the Koala Bear family, only much more aggressive. Basically, a Drop Bear will attack its prey by dropping from a treetop onto its intended meal. This surprise attack catches the victim defenseless. It has been reported from down under that Drop Bears can and do injure or kill humans. Thus the following rules should be noted if ever you go hiking in Australia:

· If for some bizarre reason you feel like lying under a tree and spitting upward, Drop Bears typically will spit back at you. If this happens, move quickly before the Drop Bear drops.

· Rub toothpaste (non-gel type) behind your ears. Drop Bears cannot stomach the smell of toothpaste.

· Drop Bears seem to be allergic to submachine guns. Always carry a submachine gun in plain sight at all times, even in cities and around pigs.

· Try not to walk under any trees that growl at you.

· If you find yourself trapped by a drop bear, try talking to it. The bear may think you are an idiot and lose interest.

· If you suspect an encroaching attack by a Drop Bear, walk on your hands. This can so confuse the Drop Bear as he begins to wonder if he is actually below you looking up through the ground. This stressful confusion often can trigger the onset of loneliness. No Drop Bear can attack when it is lonely.

· For some weird reason, Drop Bears never eat Aussies. Pretending to be Australian does not help. Drop Bears are always suspicious of accents which remind them of Texans.

· There have been instances of Drop Bears moving into the city. One confirmed case states that a Drop Bear dropped from the 40th floor of an office building. This resulted in not much being left of the victim or the bear. Identification was next to impossible.

· Leave Australia! For some reason, 99% of attacks are on that continent. If you leave the Southern Hemisphere, your chance of being involved in a Drop Bear attack drops by 87.6783%.

So here you have a myth, that wonderful world of make believe.

Winston Hamby
The Beaumont Enterprise
winhamby@gmail.com