Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Bigger They Are, The Taller I grow...

Guess what? My big sister just got bigger. Wait a minute, that didn’t sound right. I intended to state that my older sister just got older. At any rate, Ann just had a birthday and I wanted to wish her a “Happy Birthday.” I wonder what it’s like to be 77 years old. I’ll have to wait four years to find out. That’s right. She is four years older than I am.

You know, big sisters have a reputation for being tough on little brothers. And big sisters never have their day in court. They just go through life being big sisters and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

I found out about big sisters early on. When I was only four years old, Ann would threaten me. She told me that if I wasn’t good, she would call Santa Claus and tell him everything bad I ever did. When I got a little older, she switched off to telling me she was going to call the police. I lived in terror over my poor relationship with Santa Claus and I hid out whenever the police were on their way.

Another thing about big sisters is that they can always win arguments. This is really frustrating. How do they do that? I’ll tell you. When the sibling fuss goes on long enough, a big sister finally will blurt out with, “I’m older than you are so I know more than you do.” There really is not a valid reply to that claim because indeed, a big sister is older. And according to Ann, that makes a big sister wiser. Whatever.

I figured out a couple of ways to combat this little brother syndrome. My first plan of attack already has been accomplished. The second plan is a work in process. What are these two plans?

The first plan for a little brother is that he can eat his spinach and grow taller than his big sister. Once you’re taller than your big sister, she will tend to back down more often. That is because, as time goes by, unknowingly she develops an innate fear of threatening anyone who is taller than she is. Little brothers can get lots of mileage out of this angle when played right. By the time I was in junior high school, I was taller than Ann. This helped a bunch.

The second plan of attack is to catch up with an older sister’s age so that she will no longer be older. Now how is this accomplished? I’ll give you examples:

The day I was born, Ann was 4 years old or 100% older than me.

When I reached 2 years of age, Ann was 6 years old. Then I was 33% her age.

When I reached 3 years of age, she was 7 years old. That made me 43% of her age.

When I reached 10 years of age, Ann was 14. Then I was 71% as old as she.

Now that I am 73 years old and she is 77 years old, I am 95% her age.

Do you see how I am catching up? If I can figure out a way to live 300 years, I will catch up with her. Then we can tell people that we are twins.

All of this sounds a little far fetched doesn’t it? But little brothers can end up winning. All it takes is a little imagination.

Anyway, Ann, I just wanted to say “Happy Birthday. I wouldn’t trade you for all the big sisters in the world.”

You know, Ann is a beautiful Christian lady and I love her dearly.

Can’t you tell?

Winston Hamby


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