Ad It Up...

A few months ago I wrote about my new hobby. In case you missed that article, I wrote about collecting unusual classified ads and news items. Since moving from Houston to Little Rock, I read the daily Arkansas Democrat – Gazette, a fine state-wide publication printed in Little Rock. This newspaper has the largest classified ad section in all of Arkansas. This fact alone is why I read mainly the classifieds.

My favorite ad from that first column was, “Jack Terrier for sale. Very friendly. Not good with chickens.” I still wonder what must have taken place between this dog and those chickens. Whatever it was probably is why the Jack Terrier was for sale.

Since that first column printed, I have saved up additional new ads to share with you.

“Roosters (5), free, 6 mos old. Just bring something to put them in.” I can just envision someone going out to pick up those roosters without something to put them in. Can you see some guy driving along in a car with 5 frantic roosters spreading feathers and perhaps other substances all over the interior?

How about this gem, “Wanted, FREE goat, female, needed to keep lonely horse company.”
Perhaps you know something that I don’t. But how is a free goat going to help a lonely horse feel more in touch with society? This bears some research.

I still am puzzled by this one, “For Sale, Donkies, all sizes and colors.” I do not mind that the ad misspelled “Donkeys” but I do worry about those donkeys. Does the seller spray them the color you request? I thought about going to buy one with a red head and chartreuse legs.

Here’s another one I question, “Elderly man in need of Quartz canning jar, free or cheap.”
Now my question is this, “Is this elderly man in need of a free or cheap Quartz canning jar or is he looking for free or cheap Quart canning jars?? I know that if I had some Quartz canning jars, I would not part with them for free or cheap.

Then there’s this one, “House, you can have it if you tear it down.” Does this puzzle you like it does me? Think about it. A free house. That sounds great but wait a minute. If you tear it down, you don’t have a house. What you will have is a pile of stuff that you have agreed to haul away for free.

And what does this mean? “(2) nice white suburban passengers, doors, 1999 model, reasonable.” I think he wants to sell two nice white doors for a 1999 model suburban. Or could he be selling two nice white suburban passengers like the ad reads? And I guess he is just throwing in the doors.

Now here is an interesting note. “Join us on May 5 for Cinco de Mayo.” I wonder what the date is for this event.

Here is a puzzling news item: “I was very careful after we arrested Mr. Fitzpatrick not to say that we were out looking for a second suspect,” Chief Danny Bradley said Monday during an interview in his office. “I said we were out looking for a second suspect. Some of the news media—on television, on the Internet—reported that we were out actively looking for someone, but that’s not what I said. I felt we had to identify this person because I didn’t want the public to be misled about what’s going on.” Now then, either the Chief mis-spoke or the newspaper misquoted the Chief. At any rate, I think I was misled.

As Alexander Pope said, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.”

Winston Hamby
WinHamby@gmail.com