Sunday, August 01, 2010

I'm Sorry Officer...I Didn't Know...

Old laws on the books of cities and states around the U.S. are a fascinating read. Following are a few examples. These are used by permission courtesy of Aha! Jokes, (My comments are in parentheses):

*Texas “…requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.” (Example: Dear Mr. Jones, this is my official notice to you that tomorrow at 10 a.m., I will come to your office with a gun and demand your money. Please have cash available. I do not accept checks.)

*Also in Texas, “When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.” (Maybe this explains why that sometimes trains just sit while traffic backs up for blocks.)

*In Texas, “It is illegal to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.” (Loophole: request a room on the third story.)

*In Houston, “Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but may be purchased on Monday.” (Wouldn’t it just be simpler to drive to Beaumont to purchase beer?)

*“The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.” (Maybe they can arrest the river for violating this statute, but how are they going to put it in jail?)

*In Fayetteville, Arkansas, “Dogs may not bark after 6 p.m.” (Is this ordinance enforced by a watchdog committee?)

*Also in Fayetteville, “It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1 p.m. on Sundays.” (Loophole: You can “run” your cow down Main Street anytime you wish.)

*Again, in Fayetteville, “You may not have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7 p.m.” (If this presents a problem, just wake up your donkey.)

*In Oklahoma, “People who make ‘ugly faces’ at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.” (I suppose the dogs have to file a police report.)

*Oklahoma: “Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.” (I’ll bet this encourages dogs to meet underground.)

*Oklahoma: “Whaling is illegal.” (This law must have been made following public outcries to ‘Save the Oklahoma Whale.’”

*Oklahoma City: “No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.” (Hide the hamburger in your armpit till you have a chance to walk frontwards.)

*Tennessee: “It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.” (I can hear my wife now, “Back up honey, that was a fresh ‘possum.”)

*Memphis: “It is illegal for frogs to croak after 11 p.m.” (Does this mean that frogs should make every attempt to die during the daytime?)

*Alabama: “Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.” (Why flick them at all when you could wipe them on the roadkill?)

*Florida: “It is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine.” (My wife told me not to use this one but I could not resist. Sorry, Hon.)

*“Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.” (Hide the chicken in your armpit along with the hamburger.)

*Massachusetts: “No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.” (Guess my gorilla has got to ride on the hood.)

*In Baltimore, “It is illegal to take a lion to the movies.” (There goes my lion’s Saturday afternoons.)

*“All bees entering Kentucky must have a certificate of health.” (This statute reeks with discrimination and should be repealed immediately.)

*Virginia: “Whistling underwater is prohibited.” (Singing underwater is better?)

May God bless all of those whose job it is to write laws, statutes, rules, regulations, ordinances and any others such as these.

Winston Hamby


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